epiphany, maybe

...

i don't know what to say.

qh says i have been outwitted.
and she is smarter than me.

best.

doesn't matter.
i just feel that this is right.

convincing myself?
maybe.

but, who knows.

and to add:

when i read someone's post i always marvel at how happy they can be. at least on the surface.
but just maybe, i missed all my chances so far.
and all that i have now, i need to credit them to myself.
which is very much, nothing.

i'm tempted to just lock this entry.
but i don't think i have much image anyway, so fuck it.

i cried big time reading fucking story.
like manga.
i think my crying threshold for today is at an all time low.

nearly cried big time at work in the storeroom.
okay not big time.
more like going to start tearing.
i forgot over what.

i told zan that i wanted to cry on the spot.
cause she self sacrificially decided to come work at my workplace just to accompany me.
i managed to obliterate a line that craved in.
for 1 day at least.

i was deprived of facial expression today

it was either =.= or ):

and my stoned expression can either be black face or sian

i think the boss stalked my mind for a moment.
i don't know if i should be glad.
hopefully survive that 4days, and come out into a brighter light.

and to quote someone:" how did you manage to get so involve in her life?"

seriously, i wonder.
maybe cause i don't have a life.
and i'm actually trying to be decent this time.

but so they say, bad karma.
it happens.

inability to handle happiness?
sounds so strange, but what's so strange when put into perspective.
view it as similiar to inability to handle __________(insert foreign misc. things)

i dunch know anymore.

while some's life if a battle against loneliness, there are people who battle against happiness.
so warped, but so true.

我覺得我還沒有長大
我等你好嗎

to take a break from all the sentimental-ness(emo momo ness)

MY (right) ANKLE HURTS BIG TIME
i don't know if it's cause of work or what.
anyway, apparently, hv is fucking scandalous.
like scandals flying in the air man.
hahaha
i totally have no eyes to see.

but, i guess thats the only bright spark around?

couple at hv has got dinner with love.
i don't have ):
SO SAD.
HAHAHA.

i saw something intriguing on friend's fb.
um, apparently need to keep the identities hidden

gay couple!

according to A, biting B back in sec school (with B biting back i think) resulted in their current relationship.
SOUND SO UNCONVINCING.
but somehow it was convincing on fb.

or maybe i'm just too easily convinced.

i told qh, come get attached with me, we are both poor souls.
HAHAHA. this is so out of this world man.
but then i think we have been through such situation too many times. who cares uh.

and we always say such things out of pure jest/ angsty-ness (for qh) HAHAH

i just killed a baby fly.

i wanna go learn biking, the mother don't allow.
i think i'm still going to do it after all.
after i try convincing again.

somehow, hopefully it works out.

and this sentence applies for too many things.
not enough fingers to count.

但是人生就是這樣，因為掩蓋、誤會、來不及和情緒的反應，而錯過了! W: q. _- ~9 k6 J# O
所以，這就是人生吧

-to quote scone.

):

had so much things to write, so much things to puke into this space.
but somehow, when i tried, not so much of a success.

i think i managed to tweet everything instead.
all those, grey area-ed things.

wish i didn't have fever.
and so my brain would have function and not run on dumb courage.

ah, and i'm not one to look back.
so rare for me to go and think that if i could have a second chance, i wouldn't have done it.

and i promised myself to grow up and not withdraw.
i don't think i have that luxury of withdrawing anymore, really too old.
thus swinging from the withdraw and non withdraw state.
was being quite a terror.

and she said i'm moody the whole day, too long never see me smile.
i smiled at that, but you know i'm sometimes scared if she is too nice.

i dunch know anymore.